Anxiety

Before starting this blog, and still now really, I thought way too much about what people thought about me - what I looked like, what I wore, what I did. Yeah, so does everyone I guess but sometimes it can dig a lot deeper and affect people a lot more than it should. That's exactly what my first blog post was all about, how scared I was and how nervous I was to do this because of people's reactions but I decided to put that to one side and do it anyway. Most of my posts have been makeup related which is what I want my blog to be about but I also decided to add in lifestyle and other things that I can possibly relate to or advise people about, anxiety being one of them. Doing this post has been on my mind for a while because it's not something I want people to think that I'm doing for 'attention' or anything like that. It's because I feel like anxiety has become a lot clearer to me and I have met more people that suffer from it. It's quite a hurdle for me to even write this, let alone post it but I'm going to do it anyway as I think if I was reading this on someone else's blog, I would very much appreciate it. 

Anxiety is a horrible emotion. Something that cannot can be controlled and sometimes actually unaware you're even feeling it. Anxiety occurs within everyone, whether you're scared for an important interview or something like that however it can affect people in different ways. One way I can describe anxiety is feeling so nervous and timid like everyone is staring or smothering you and the constant feeling to get away from everything and everyone in order for you to calm down. High stress levels can also can panic attacks which are basically ways that you're body try and deal with the anxiety such as very rapid breathing or feeling like you're unable to breathe, very rapid heartbeat and pains in you're chest. I won't go in too much detail, if you're experiencing a panic attack you'll know about it.

I don't really know how or why my anxiety started - I was a pretty confident and outspoken girl in school. Obviously I had times where I felt shy or quiet but the groups of friends I had stopped that from happening. However, I think it was when school ended and I started college was when it first started. I was the little fish in one hell of a pond. My college is 30 minutes away from where I live, so the 99% of the people who attend there, I had never met in my life. It was all completely new to me... The people, the teachers, my surroundings. The first couple of weeks I enjoyed a lot, but then I started having doubts about the courses I had chosen, the distance my college was from my home and some of the teachers. I of course met some amazing people and a lot of new friends! But, the negatives started to get to me more than it should have, I started not attending my lessons and sort of got into this cycle of not wanting to go or if I did go, I wanted to come home straight away. I also think I missed my old friends too. This caused major anxiety for me and panic attacks and since then, if I ever feel exposed to new people or new surroundings, them feelings begin to flood back into my head leaving me feeling very anxious. After receiving my results and reorganising the courses I am doing at college I feel a lot better about things and going back in September frightens me, but not as much as it would have before. 

One of the worst things about anxiety is trying to describe how you feel and explain it to people who don't suffer from it. All they seem to think or say is 

"Calm down" or "Relax"

That does not help in the slightest haha! And, is sooo annoying to hear and be told over and over again. 

For me, being alone and listening to the music I like or watching the TV shows I like help to calm me down. There's also app's available that help with anxiety that have relaxing remedies and activities for you to do in order for you to calm down and release the negative thoughts. One massive thing to do when you feel yourself panicking or becoming anxious is to control you're breathing as this helps to calm and prevent panic attacks.

The most annoying thing about anxiety is how it control you're life and stop you from doing or experiencing new things in life! I recently travelled all the way to New York on my own which I'm safe to say I was CRAPPING myself about! 2 years ago I would have been more than happy to do that but having the constant thoughts of becoming anxious or having a 'moment' was just creeping in my head. I did it, and I enjoyed myself but the amount of times I turned round to my mam and said, "I can't" or "I don't want to go" was crazy! And that's sad, it's sad that I'm 17 and I have to go through this every time I want to do something new because anxiety can stop you from doing so many things! But you have to say no! No it can't stop me and yes I will do it. Say yes. Otherwise, anxiety will takeover and you will lose. 

On a more positive note, the end of this year is looking much brighter than the beginning! I have accomplished my first year at college, passed my driving test and flew half way across the world, ON MY OWN! Haha. Of course I still suffer from anxiety, sometimes more frequently than other times, it definitely has times where it can be playing up and can last a 1-2 weeks at a time! But with coping techniques and having the right people around you, it can help massively! It's much easier said than done as it stills knocks my confidence and my self esteem but don't let it. 

Like I said, writing this for me is pretty nerve wracking! I feel like scrapping the whole thing already haha! But, I'm not going to. I hope if you're reading this and have anxiety it's made you feel:

1. Like you're not alone - because you're not. So many people suffer from this.

2. New ways to control it!

3. A more positive outlook on it :) 

Or, I hope if you didn't know what anxiety was I have explained it more and if you sometimes feel like this maybe you've discovered you might suffer from this from time to time.

Hope this has helped! 

Phoebe x